Eternity

I have recently understood something about myself I never thought to be out of the ordinary. I realized that I don’t want to die, that I fear death. Of course this fear is anything but out of the ordinary from the worlds view, from those who have landed on earth and claimed it as their home. But this view is out of the ordinary for people who don’t belong here, and Jesus said I do not belong here forever. If eternity were an ocean, we now live in the midst of one drop, and for myself, much of my energy and concern goes into focusing on this one drop. Rarely do I take account of the expanse in front of me. But here is the peculiar thing, for us individually the vast ocean of eternity is in a sense determined by this drop. I mean of course for those who are being sanctified, what we did in the midst of our one drop will one day be presented to our Father to see what mattered for eternity. I shudder at the thought of standing in front of the throne of God, not because I question his love or grace in the cross of Christ, but for this reason. I fear the regret I will have when I finally have the eyes to see life the way my Father sees it. Surely on that day, I will say, “If I had only known!” But I do know! The tattered book right next to me tells me two things I beg God that I would believe! The first is that for every man, “his work will be shown for what it is, because the Day will bring it to light. It will be revealed with fire, and the fire will test the quality of each man's work. If what he has built survives, he will receive his reward. If it is burned up, he will suffer loss; he himself will be saved, but only as one escaping through the flames.” And the second that the righteous will not be put to shame, while the wicked will perish. Their fate, which David reminds us to remember, is death. These two truths matter to me because they cut through the veils of deception my broken eyes see through here on earth. The lies of my old self whisper every time I try to do good. The lips dripping with poison are not my own, they belong to the old person that wages war against what I have said is truth. When I want to do things that will survive the purifying fire of God’s testing, evil is right there fighting against the work of the Spirit. Paul cried, who will save me, this wretched man that I am! Help Jesus! Through you we have the Spirit of life and peace, the power to see what is real. Baptize my eyes! If only I saw my actions through the testing question, “will this matter for eternity?” Sadly, many days go by which my answer to this question would have to be searched for to long, often only to find a quiet dissatisfied heart unable to speak in the light of forever. But Jesus heals, he transforms, he renews the dead bones to live with flesh and life, and he can heal my eyes, my heart! For your glory and my joy, teach me how to see, to love the things you love, and never to worship thing that will be incinerated due to worthlessness or to head the opinion of man who has only a breath! Beautiful Jesus, wrap my heart and soul up in the flood of your purifying changing love. Sweet Jesus Christ, more precious than honey and much gold! I love you!